Thomas Merton’s Stage-Prop Fan

To the tune of “Secret Agent Man”

There was a nice floor fan he used for cooling;

They rigged a substitute they used for fooling.

After he was whacked,

The ringer was unpacked.

Merton’s work against the war found termination.

Merton’s stage-prop fan.

They killed a Christian warrior, and they used a fiendish plan.

Beware of pious folks who claim you’re nuts.

Who say the monk they knew was just a klutz.

As though a lethal fan

Couldn’t kill a handy man,

This sounds just like the voice of desperation.

Merton’s stage-prop fan.

They killed a peaceful warrior, and they sold a fiendish plan.

Victim of a household appliance the next day,

I don’t care where you go,

Searching high and low,

You’ll find no better choice for canonization.

Merton’s stage-prop fan.

He should be a martyr, but we bought their fiendish plan:

Merton’s stage-prop fan.